


it's three a.m. (i can't help but be scared of it all sometimes)

by lilaussieauthor



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Anxiety, Best Friends, Euphoria, I Love You, Nightmares, Rue's my baby and I will do anything to protect her, Storms, i'm so soft for these characters, lexi's my baby, lexi's the only character on this show that has her head screwed on right, okay i hate tagging byeee, rue baby, she never learns but i love her anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 21:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20052646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaussieauthor/pseuds/lilaussieauthor
Summary: It's a fact almost as well known as the way the earth orbits the sun.Rue Bennett, no matter how much time passes, will always come running back to Lexi Howard.





	it's three a.m. (i can't help but be scared of it all sometimes)

**Author's Note:**

> hey so firstly to all the choni fans who got excited (as happened last time) yes, this isn't a choni fic, no, i have no inspiration, and yes, i'll probably return once hiatus is over but as of now i'm not writing choni so please don't complain because it just makes me feel worse. and there's really no need to comment on my other fics about how much you want choni because, lovelies, that just diminishes my inspiration even more. 
> 
> aside from that, watch euphoria! zendaya is a GODDESS and i love her with all my heart so... :)))  
rue's a babie and i love her and i just needed to write her so... here you are :)

Rue woke with a shudder, her lips gnawing subconsciously on her lower lip as she worked to shake the images from her mind. Tears rolled down her cheeks silently as she took a deep, shaky breath and swallowed thickly. _Fuck_.

She rolled over, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders as she tried to loosen the tightening in her chest, her eyes flicking to the storm outside and the clock that blinked ominously in the dark – _2:41am_.

Nightmares weren’t a new sensation for her, but that didn’t make them any easier. It was times like this when she missed being high, where she could sleep uninterrupted and push away all the horrible memories that threatened to arise every time she closed her heavy eyes.

But she’d been clean for weeks now and she wasn’t going to let a dumb night terror change that.

Rue picked up her phone with shaking hands, struggling to open it and navigating to her messages before remembering that she and Jules were in a rough state and texting her in the early hours of the morning probably wasn’t an option. Her mouth opened in a sad sob, eyes flicking around the room and body twitching at every shadow that was surely out to get her.

She hated this. She hated all of it.

Throwing her phone frustratedly onto her duvet, she curled tighter into a ball, a loud crash of thunder making her body shudder and shake in fear. She’d never really been scared of storms, but combined with the terrifying images her brain was producing it really wasn’t doing much for her anxiety.

She laid there for maybe ten minutes before she sat up suddenly, chest begging for air as the panic increased and _fuck_, she couldn’t do this.

Within minutes she’d wrapped herself in her favourite hoodie and she was halfway out the window, not even fully sure of what she was doing but knowing she needed help. She took one look at her bike and made the decision that no, riding in a panicked state in a lightning storm probably wasn’t a good idea, and pulled her hood over her face, walking quickly down the street.

To be honest, she wasn’t sure where she was going until she got there and then somehow she knew it was the exact place she needed to be. And when Lexi opened the window with a tired frown and helped her friend in she fell into her with a choked sob and didn’t let go.

Cassie woke with a sleepy, confused mumble and made her way over and Rue was sure Lexi was an angel sent from heaven to help her because the older girl ordered her sister softly to find a change of clothes and some water for Rue and Cassie did what she was told without questioning it, helping the soaked teenager into a pair of Lexi’s old sweatpants and pulling a jumper over her shaking body.

Rue didn’t let go of Lexi the whole time, needing something – _someone_ – to hold on to, someone to keep her grounded. She sipped obediently at the water until it got caught in her tight throat and she choked, coughing violently and Lexi pushed it away, rubbing her back until she caught her breath.

And then Cassie went back to her own bed and Lexi pulled Rue down, holding her friend tight against her as Rue buried her face in the soft skin of Lexi’s neck, her back shuddering with the sobs she was finally allowing herself to release.

Lexi stroked her hair without speaking, letting Rue cry and rubbing her back until the other girl was all cried out, her breathing evening slightly and her shaking decreasing.

She looked up, face swollen and wet, eyes sad and seeking Lexi’s, who looked right back, lips pressing gently against Rue’s head. “The nightmares again?”

Rue nodded sadly, nuzzling her nose gently into Lexi’s neck again. She felt ashamed now, mad at that fact that yet again, she’d had to lean on someone else to feel okay. Maybe this was the reason Jules was mad. Maybe she’d managed to fuck up another friendship simply by being too needy.

“Hey, listen to me,” Lexi whispered quietly, her lips moving against Rue’s head. “This isn’t your fault. It’s normal, okay?”

Rue shrugged. “Not ev’ry night.”

Lexi pursed her lips. “It’s not your fault, Rue. Okay?”

Another shrug. “I shouldn’t have come here…” She made to get out, wanting to do anything but, begging Lexi to say something, to let her stay.

And she does just that. “Stay,” she said firmly. “I’m not letting you go home, it’s dark and dangerous and I’m proud of you for even coming, okay?”

_Proud?_ It wasn’t a word Rue was used to, but it ignited a tiny fire in her heart, a need to love and feel loved. “P-Proud?” Her eyebrow raised, confused. “Why – Why?” She hated how her voice cracked, hated how she felt so weak.

“It takes more of a person to ask for help than to deal with something themselves,” Lexi shrugged, and Rue giggled wetly because of course Lexi could say something so cryptic and wise at 3am. Lexi chuckled back, her fingers ghosting Rue’s chin. “I am,” she whispered, serious again. “I’m so proud of you.”

And maybe Rue should’ve learnt from Jules, that sometimes when people say nice things that they’re just being that – _nice_. That it doesn’t mean they want to kiss you or that you should kiss them. But she’d never really been good at learning from her past mistakes, and the word _proud_ had made her feel so goddamn good, and she leant up wetly and pressed her lips against Lexi’s.

Almost as soon as she did it, she regretted it (kind of. Not because it didn’t feel nice – _god, it did_ – but because Lexi is straight and her best friend and _god could she please stop fucking up all her friendships by kissing them?_)

Lexi froze and Rue sobbed out a ‘fuck’, scampering backwards and falling from the bed anxiously, her heart thumping as she struggled out of the blankets. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks. “Fuck, Lex, I’m so sorry.”

Lexi watched her, eyebrows furrowed, as her friend made her way over to the window and fiddled with the lock anxiously. “Rue, come back.”

“No – no, I gotta leave… I gotta leave, I fucked up – _shit, Lexi_ – I’m so sorry.”

“Come back,” Lexi said again, more firmly this time. “Rue, come _back_.”

Rue shook her head, whole body shaking with panic again. “N-No… no, no, I can’t – I gotta go…”

“I’m not letting you leave,” Lexi said, almost exasperatedly. She stood up, and then Cassie was awake again too – or maybe she’d been awake the whole time, Rue wasn’t sure. Lexi pulled her panicking friend into her arms and held her tight against her as Rue flailed around, trying to get out before falling silent and still and crying steadily into Lexi’s chest.

“I keep fucking everything up,” she whispered softly, and Lexi’s heart broke within her shaking chest.

“No, you don’t,” she promised. “It’s just… you’re learning, still. You’re not fucking it up.”

Rue shrugged sadly, clinging to Lexi so tight that the other girl felt even worse for her obviously broken friend. “It’s fine. I’ve stuck around this long, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Rue hiccupped, teary face buried in Lexi’s shoulder. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going to,” Lexi promised. “I’m not going to.”

Rue found herself filled with love again, her arms tightening around Lexi’s waist, who in turn tightened hers. “I truly am proud of you,” Lexi murmured, and Rue’s chest loosened ever so slightly.

“Thank you,” she mumbled back, the lump in her throat more prominent now. “Lex?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I – can I maybe… could I maybe s-stay?”

Lexi’s arms tightened. “Of course. Of course.”

Rue nodded thankfully, clinging to Lexi as though if she let go she’d fall apart.

A minute later and they were snuggled in bed, Rue’s head resting on Lexi’s chest as she clutched the front of her friend’s shirt in a fist, chest rising and falling heavily. “I’m sorry,” she admitted quietly.

“Why?”

“Because…” Rue worked to organise her thoughts. “I feel like every time something’s wrong I come running to you… and it’s not fair on you to deal with that burden and maybe I shouldn’t be here but you make me feel _better_ Lexi. You make me feel better. But I feel bad, because you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“But I know you’d do the same,” Lexi argued.

“I would,” Rue agreed. “But the thing is… you’re _never_ in need of help. You have everything sorted and I’m _always _broken and I feel like I always come running here and it’s _not fair_.”

“Rue,” Lexi murmured quietly. “You’re my best friend. I _want_ to help.”

“But –”

“No buts,” Lexi smiled. “Okay? Don’t ever question if you can talk to me. I’m here. And I want to help.”

Rue shrugged. What if Lexi was just saying that? What if she didn’t mean it and she felt some sort of sick obligation to help her stupid drug addict of a friend and she didn’t actually care and Rue was annoying her and being a little bitch by always coming running straight to her?

“What’s going on in there?” Lexi asked softly, tapping Rue’s temple. The taller girl shrugged.

What if Lexi really just wanted her to leave? What if she felt she _had_ to help and to listen? This wasn’t fair on her… everyone would probably be better of without Rue… it wasn’t fair on anyone to have to deal with her.

“Rue.”

She looked up, eyes sad and a constant battle raging in her mind. “It’s dumb.”

“It’s not.”

“I just…” She took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. I’ve been nothing but a terrible friend and I’m so worried you’re lying so I feel better and I’m scared I’m annoying you.”

Lexi sighed. “I promise you that’s not how I think.”

“It’s how _I_ think.”

“I know. I know it is, and I’m gonna try and change that because it’s not fair to have those thoughts running through your head when you don’t deserve them. But – Rue, you trust me, yeah?”

Rue nodded, eyes focussed on her friend’s.

“I _promise_, on my life, that I don’t think like that. I’m helping because I care about you, okay? Because I care. Not because I feel like I have to. Because I care and I want you to be happy.”

Rue shrugged, but the shrug was enough for Lexi because it meant maybe her friend would at least _start_ to understand that people actually cared about her.

It took maybe half an hour but eventually Lexi realised that Rue had fallen into a restless sleep, a curl of hair fluttering up and down in time with her breathing. She pressed another quiet kiss to the crown of her friend’s head before closing her eyes, heavy lids falling shut as she snuggled closer, exhausted.

“You’re too nice to her,” Cassie murmured from across the room, and Lexi’s eyes flew back open.

“No, I’m not.”

“You are,” her sister insisted. “Way too nice.”

“No, I’m _not_.”

Cassie sighed heavily. “What’s she ever done for you, Lex? What do you owe her?”

And instead of answering truthfully, Lexi turned it into a argument, a fight. “What would you rather I do, Cassie? Fuck her feelings over and ditch her like you would?”

Cassie’s breath hitched and Lexi felt bad immediately. “I’m sorry, Cass, it’s been a long night.”

Cassie sighed again. “I probably deserved that.”

“No, you didn’t,” Lexi said, her chest heavy with guilt. “I was being a bitch. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Cassie whispered. “It’s true.”

“It’s not true. You’re a wonderful person. Sometimes I wonder if you care too much.”

“Says you,” Cassie giggled, and Lexi grinned back.

“Says me.”

Rue stirred quietly. “’Re you guys fightin’ bout me?”

“No,” Lexi promised. “Go back to sleep.”

“Can’,” Rue murmured, but her eyes fluttered closed and Cassie giggled softly as her gentle snores filled the room again.

Lexi looked down, her hand raking gently through Rue’s hair, and pulled her closer against her.

“Lex?” Rue’s voice was soft and sleepy, a light question.

“Right here,” Lexi promised. “I’m always right here.”


End file.
